Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
