I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
