I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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