It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
