in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
