remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
