I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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