I have demons in me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
