i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
