Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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