i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
