Quick, to the slutcave!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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