No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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