I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
