I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
