Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
