dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
