I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
