dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
