every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
