I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
