What a fucking waste of an outfit
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
