I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
