as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
