Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
