If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
