there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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