hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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