some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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