the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize