i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
