Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
