He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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