just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
