Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
