I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
