How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
