I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
