There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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