Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
