I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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