I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
