if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
