sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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