You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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