Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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