Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
