I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
