and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
