she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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