Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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