Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
