i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize