Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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