I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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