I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize