i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
