dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
