A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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