The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
