trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
