my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
