Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
