There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
