Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
