my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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