Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
