how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
