I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize