Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
