I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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