Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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