She announced her abortion via fbk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
