I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
