whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
