I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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