so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
