I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
