I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
