So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
