Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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