Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
