wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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