What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
