I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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