also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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