Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
