fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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